Boys like Buttons

Muscular Rule of Parenting #4 – A button exists, therefore your child is pressing it.

Since he was a couple months old, Widget2 and I have been locked in a death struggle for the TV remote. He’s not even walking yet, and he already knows how to point the device at the television and mash buttons, and he knows the buttons are supposed to make things happen. Sometimes they do.

It’s not just the TV remote. He also grabs the Wii controllers, the Xbox controllers, my cell phone, my computer keyboard, pretty much anything that has buttons and manipulates a screen. Whoever said the male propensity for hogging the remote is a learned trait has never met my kid. It seems he was born to lounge in a recliner, changing channels and munching on cheese curls into the wee hours of the morning. On second thought, he’s too energetic to fit that stereotype. I imagine him developing giant thumbs and forefingers at an early age to pull off the most insanely difficult Street Fighter attack combos, then outgunning teenagers on the latest first-person shooter, then getting bored with such pedestrian entertainment and going on to build his first giant robot at the age of 5.

In the meanwhile, Widget1 is hooked on Mario and PBSkids.org. It’s harder to pull him away from his games than Barack Obama from his teleprompter. The good news is that we might be able to collect disability on his behalf now that video game addiction has been officially added to the list of mental disorders. Forget college. Forget trade school. Forget a work ethic. My parenting style prefers to focus on finding my kids’ weaknesses, amplifying them, and milking them for everything I can get.

Take THAT society!

On second thought, he’s been playing that game for hours and it’s MY TURN!!!

Yeah…something needs to be done about this. Any advice?

Boys like buttons. It is the way of nature. Except that nature doesn’t have any buttons. Therefore it stands to reason that there were a lot of crying children in Thomas Hobbes’ state of nature. Waiting for the buttons.

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