The hospital across the street from Widget1’s new school should have been a warning sign. On the first day of kindergarten, my daredevil son fell off the monkey bars and broke his elbow. The teacher emphasized in her incident report that my son had tried to climb the bars without her help after she turned her back to him. A convenient interpretation for liability purposes, but probably the truth. At his previous school, I watched him swing his face into a metal climbing bar and nearly get a concussion. His clumsy path of destruction rivals Dick Van Dyke in all his stumbling, fumbling glory, minus the black and white stage and Mary Tyler Moore. But such is boyhood I suppose. Or are there more sinister forces at work?
Tonight it just occurred to me that there’s also a firehouse next door. Should we buy Widget1 a flame-retardant smock just in case? The school did give the kids plastic firefighter helmets, but I’m pretty sure those melt at high temperatures. If they open a police station nearby, I’m also buying him a bulletproof vest.