Birthday Surprise

What better way to celebrate Widget2’s second birthday than to shower him with gifts that horrify? The Tomy motorized Constructable stegosaurus sent him running for cover. So of course I rushed to comfort the lad in the way I know best — by chasing him down with the stegosaurus and roaring at him. Later, another…

Shoegazer

Watch out, Imelda Marcos. There’s a new shoe collector in town. My son. Indoors or outdoors, Widget2 prefers to have his feet covered as often and as flamboyantly as possible.┬áIt’s not unusual for a young child to try on his parents’ shoes, but should he really be climbing into Mommy’s heel’s and strutting around with…

Whipped Cream without Nuts

“This is the whipped cream without the nuts!” Widget1 declared, staring me down over a Wendy’s frosty milkshake. Why did this matter? Jump back in time several days to a conversation at home. “I like whipped cream,” he told me, “but I don’t like the nuts in it.” But whipped cream doesn’t have nuts, I…

Diaper Explosion!

It looked like chocolate. It felt like chocolate. It smeared on his face like chocolate. But I’m guessing it didn’t taste anything remotely like chocolate. That final experiment was probably what set Widget2 crying for Mommy and Daddy this morning. I was the lucky parent who found him in his crib, desperately reaching out to…

Worst…Joke…EVER

I’ve won the inglorious distinction of telling the Worst Joke Ever. When I say worst, not only did this abomination fail to elicit laughter or even a smile from my son – it was so horrifically bad that it actually made him cry. It all started with Widget1 helping me wrap a Christmas gift for…

Baby’s First Birthday!

One year ago today, I was racing down the interstate, cell phone in one ear and my wife’s screams in the other, determined not to deliver my own baby on the side of the road. The birth center midwives/hippies/rainbow children were ready to head out the door and meet us on I-95, but I kept…

You know you’re an old parent when…

I was aging gracefully, hopping over milestones with the ease of eternal youth. Gray hair? Stylish. Hair loss? I’m in good company with Bruce Willis and Captain Picard. Standing out like a sore, arthritic thumb at the young adults church service? I never liked those things anyway. Reaching the big Three-O? No sweat. Getting my…