Life and Limb

The hospital across the street from Widget1’s new school should have been a warning sign. On the first day of kindergarten, my daredevil son fell off the monkey bars and broke his elbow. The teacher emphasized in her incident report that my son had tried to climb the bars without her help after she turned…

Brains

Do you know how hard it is to raise a child who can’t consume dairy products? We have to order pizza without cheese. WITHOUT CHEESE! Thankfully, they’ve got this almond milk ice cream we recently found that tastes a lot like the real thing. It’s also just as cold as the real thing — but…

Miscarriage

As I write, my wife is rushing Widget2 to Urgent Care. He did a face-plant on the sidewalk, blood everywhere, and now he’s got a nasty gash on his nose. After the barrage of unfortunate events this past month, though, a few stitches feels like a successful evening. I won’t bore you with my list…

Reasons My Son is Crying

A colleague directed my attention to a revolutionary blog called Reasons My Son is Crying. Such a convenient, user-friendly resource, I thought, to embarrass and humiliate my children while scoring social networking points. Then I began to reconsider. I think we have moved beyond that level as a family. A truly meaningful blog for us…

Children’s Book

Having failed to write a novel that adults will voluntarily read (let alone pay money for), the next step of my two-step business plan is to fail their children as well. I am attempting to write my first children’s story. Technically, I’ve already written the story – but as my college professor used to say,…

Imitation is the Highest Flattery

Widget1 has a batman shirt with a Velcro cape attachment. Last night, Widget2 picked up the cape off the living room floor and hung it on his shoulder. The first time he did this, I thought it was unintentional. But then he put it back on his shoulder. As I watched, he continued this hilarious…

Christmas Newsletter

Dear Family, Friends, Neighbors and Distant Relations, It’s the season of sharing, and the time has come for my family to share its annual achievements with those who have none. This year, poop production has reached an all-time high. As you can see on the flowchart handout that was stuffed in your Christmas stocking, not…