Read them. Memorize them. Hold them close to your heart:
- Remove the duct tape from your child’s mouth at your own risk.
- Restaurants and children don’t mix.
- Never give your child a toy you’re not willing to be hit in the face with. Addendum: make sure the toy is such that if your child does hit you, you can seize the toy and wield it in retaliation without being arrested for battery.
- A button exists, therefore your child is pressing it.
- My boys will NOT be sissies.
- Life isn’t fair, but your kids won’t believe you.
- If you show up drunk to a parenting class, you’re doing it wrong.