Christmas Newsletter

Dear Family, Friends, Neighbors and Distant Relations, It’s the season of sharing, and the time has come for my family to share its annual achievements with those who have none. This year, poop production has reached an all-time high. As you can see on the flowchart handout that was stuffed in your Christmas stocking, not…

Diaper Explosion!

It looked like chocolate. It felt like chocolate. It smeared on his face like chocolate. But I’m guessing it didn’t taste anything remotely like chocolate. That final experiment was probably what set Widget2 crying for Mommy and Daddy this morning. I was the lucky parent who found him in his crib, desperately reaching out to…

Worst…Joke…EVER

I’ve won the inglorious distinction of telling the Worst Joke Ever. When I say worst, not only did this abomination fail to elicit laughter or even a smile from my son – it was so horrifically bad that it actually made him cry. It all started with Widget1 helping me wrap a Christmas gift for…

Rudolf’s Shiny New Year

It just dawned on me that Rudolf’s Shiny New Year is the holiday equivalent of Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure. Both feature famous historical figures joining forces to save the world, both feature a space-time continuum predicament, and both treat mankind’s glorious historical-cultural heritage as their personal Play-Dough ball to bend, stretch and mutilate as…

As Seen on TV!

Television was invented by advertising executives to get direct access to the ones who control the purse strings – our children. Now I’ve got a two-legged pop-up banner ad who follows me around the apartment. I’ve learned that Stuffies are the most awesome toy ever (we had to take our son into a toy store,…